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Me time - A Self Portrait

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 Self Portrait - Me Time I don't like to make marijuana my whole personality and have truly used it more medicinally than recreationally. But when i worked full time in customer service, I looked forward to going home to cuddle with my dog, Yoda, but I also very much looked forward to smoking when i got home. Being able to find calmness in life is a skill we don't really think about, but if you cannot find the means to calm/relax yourself, I find its detrimental. These days I am not smoking as much as I used to, when I thought I could smoke like Snoop Dogg, but i still gravitate it as a medicine. Luckily I have more coping skills as to not rely so heavily on this medicine anymore. But I cannot deny the reality of how much it has impacted my life. My mom believes I wouldn't be here today if I didn't have this plant to treat both my mood, but my horrible migraines. I am so thankful my mom sympathized with my pain and saw the true benefits it held for me. It is sad that it...
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Hooked (sketch)

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  pencil on sketchbook paper     I would like to paint this sometime soon. Not much to say, I think it is sick looking and I think it could be a cool tattoo. 
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Deflated

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                                                                   Acrylic paint on canvas board      I have very low energy and get drained from a lot of small things. I have found more medical answers since when i painted this, so it brings me back to this confusing time of not knowing or understanding what is 'wrong' with me. It feels like my energy deflates into a more unsettling version of myself. Sometimes feeling like my kindness and warmth is just a mask for when my patience is running thin, that's when the true me comes out. But I know I never resonate or feel good after my snappy low energy mood. This illustrates the moment i am needing to take a full mental and physical break and to just smoke and exist.  I also think about my soul within my meat suit. I feel ...
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OH! The Horror!

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    Acrylic paint on canvas board.       This was made during a sad and confusing time in my life, dealing with abandonment and loneliness. I wanted to crawl out of my own skin, I was actively rejecting myself too. This painting reminds me of the muffled screams into the pillow, that I wished to bellow out in the middle of nowhere. But in reality I wanted to be silent, as to not affect others. I wanted to create chaos that was filling me up, but still too raw to be that vulnerable with myself and others.       I like to paint scary/creepy/uncanny things. The involuntary reaction to such horrors is interesting. I like drawing things that scare me or unsettles me. I think to have a drawing influence your emotions and to speak to you without any words, I find fascinating.(With moderation, it can get overwhelming) My nephew also loved this painting of mine and hopes to paint like me one day, so that felt like the payoff I needed after such a pain...
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SAD Clown Time Traveler

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 This was a painting i did right after moving into my uncles place. A very reflective and confusing time for me. Restarting my life in a sense, and it made me reflect on my childhood self. during my move i discovered a lot of stickers from my childhood in the early 2000's. The clown girl (made of acrylic and water color on water color paper cut out) represents a lot of us who wish to get older to gain autonomy and independence. But not realizing the exchange we make for adulthood, the death of our child selves.           I   think a lot of us reflect on our childhoods and hopefully looking back on how much we have grown, but i also wonder how i could make that child version of me happy. she still exists in mine and others memories, i felt she was so authentic and loved to be creative in any and every way. She enjoyed using her imagination to the fullest an could entertain herself easily with whatever is around.     The jewel sticker...
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my portrait of the creature in pans labyrinth

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           Acrylic paint on Acrylic or watercolor paper  I love to watch movies that take me to new worlds, even the scarier ones. Pans Labrynth was an impactful film for me that sparked more creative stories for me in my mind. This was around the time i read more of the Brothers' Grimm stories. i was around the age of 14 when i watched this movie, and this character both frightened me and had me in awe. i think it lit something within me to make more creatures of nightmares or uncanniness. it feels like an adrenaline rush when you paint something that is so creepy that you cant help but stare in horror. i gave this painting to my longtime childhood friend, T, who discovered and watched this movie with me. I would like to recreate this portrait again soon.
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Skull

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 I’ve always been fascinated by anatomy. I was 11 years old when I drew this and it was my first time using a drawing compass to make sure my proportions are accurate. My art teacher at the time, Mrs Kristine, has always been my biggest inspiration to try to mediums and have fun with art. This drawing felt like I was able to prove my abilities to myself and gained confidence. I think every artist has someone or something to spark that artist fire within. I owe a lot of my passion for art to continue in my life, to Mrs Kristine 
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